How to respond when someone says it's been a long time
When a match tells you it's been ages since they've talked to someone, here's how to reply and keep momentum going.
When someone opens with 'it's been a long time' or 'it's been ages since I've talked to someone,' they're signaling a couple things. First, they're admitting they've been out of the dating game and maybe a bit rusty. Second, they're testing whether you'll make it easy or awkward.
Your reply needs to acknowledge what they said without making them feel self-conscious about the gap. You're also proving you're different from whoever ghosted them last or whoever they've been avoiding. A good reply shows you actually listened, moves the conversation forward naturally, and doesn't over-promise or come on too strong.
This is a low-stakes moment if you treat it that way. They're handing you an opening to seem low-pressure and actually interested, not desperate.
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What they're really communicating
Someone who leads with 'it's been a long time' is lowering their guard a little. They're admitting to a gap without asking you to judge it. That's usually a sign they want the conversation to feel easy and not performative.
They might also be hinting that they're looking for something that doesn't feel like typical dating app energy. Recognizing this means you can reply in a way that matches that tone, rather than going into default mode. The comment is also a soft test: will you make them regret admitting they've been out of it?
Make them feel normal without dwelling on it
Your reply should validate what they said in one short line, then move into something real. Don't make the gap the whole point of your message. A solid move is to acknowledge it briefly, add something that shows you're a normal person too, then ask or say something that lets you both start fresh.
You're showing them this doesn't have to be awkward, and you're not going to interrogate them about where they've been. That signals maturity and keeps the door open for an actual conversation instead of a therapy session.
Reply today, then give them space to match your pace
Send your reply within a few hours of their message. Waiting too long makes the acknowledgment feel forced. After you reply, let them set the next rhythm. If they come back quickly, they're interested and engaged. If they take a day or two, they're probably just checking the app occasionally.
If they don't reply after three days, move on. Someone who's 'getting back into dating' still needs to want to actually show up. One good reply from you is your contribution. After that, the ball is in their court.
Why these replies fail
“omg me too, i haven't matched with anyone interesting in forever”
Makes you sound equally jaded and gives them nothing interesting to work with, killing momentum immediately
“well it's good you're getting back out there! the dating world needs more brave people”
Comes across as patronizing and reads like you're treating them as a project instead of someone you're interested in
“how long has it been lol”
Puts them on the spot to explain themselves and makes the gap the main topic, which defeats the purpose of their opener
Common mistakes
- Ignoring the comment and launching into a question about their job or hobbies, which feels dismissive of what they shared
- Saying 'me too' without adding anything new, making you sound equally rusty and uninteresting
- Getting too encouraging or intense ('well i'm glad you're back out there') which signals you're reading way too much into a casual opener
- Making a joke about how long they've been gone, which lands as slightly mean even if you intend it to land light
- Asking why they've been gone, which puts them on the spot to defend themselves
Questions people ask
- Should I match their energy and say I've also been away from dating?
- Only if it's true and you can say it quickly without turning it into a complaint. A quick 'yeah i get that' works fine. But if you have to explain or justify your own gap, you're both retreating instead of moving forward. Keep it about them first.
- What if they seem nervous about being rusty?
- Don't reassure them directly. Instead, treat them like you would anyone else and ask a normal question about their life or interests. You're showing them through action that there's nothing to worry about. That lands better than words.
- Is this a red flag that they're not serious about dating?
- Not necessarily. Some people take real breaks. What matters is whether they're responding to you now and keeping the conversation going. One opener doesn't define their entire interest level. Their follow-up does.
- How long should I wait before asking them out?
- Wait for at least 3-4 real exchanges where they're adding to the conversation, not just replying. Someone getting back into dating might need a little more runway to feel comfortable moving off the app. Respect that, but don't drag it out beyond a week.
What people say after using WingAI
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“I'm busy and half the profiles give you almost nothing to work with. WingAI gets me a solid first line fast without me staring at the screen for ten minutes.”
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