How to tell someone you're dating they're too available

Someone who texts that fast and that often is usually not trying to be annoying. She's either new to dating and over-invested already, bored with her own life, anxious about where you stand with her, or some mix of those. The speed of her replies and the length of her messages are telling you she's thinking about you way more than you're thinking about her. That imbalance is what feels draining.

Pay attention to the pattern. Does she text in the morning? Right when you respond? Before bed? Does she send multiple texts in a row without you replying? That's not neediness as much as it is her treating you like her primary source of entertainment. She probably doesn't have much else going on right now.

This talk works best in person or on a phone call, not text. When you do it, start by acknowledging what you see: tell her you've noticed she seems really into you and invested in staying connected. Don't say it like an accusation. Just name it as fact. Then tell her what you actually need. Be specific. Say something like "I need us to have more space between texts so I can miss you" or "I do better when we're not in constant contact." The point is you're telling her the boundary, not asking her permission.

Don't soften it by saying you're busy or it's not her fault. Those things might be true but they distract from what matters: you and her need different things right now. Own that directly. It's actually kinder than pretending you're just swamped.

Have this conversation within the next few days while the pattern is fresh. Don't let weeks pass where you're just slow-fading her. That teaches her that if she waits long enough you'll come around, which reinforces the behavior.

After you set the boundary, follow it yourself. If you said you need more space, you actually need to take more space. Reply to her messages on your own timeline, not hers. Don't text her just to make her feel better about the boundary you set. She needs to feel the difference, not hear about it. If she keeps texting at the same pace after you've told her what you need, that tells you she either didn't take it seriously or can't adjust. At that point you have a different problem to solve.