He said something offensive on our first date. What should I say?

An offensive comment on date one is not a one-off slip. It's him testing what you'll accept. People generally don't lead with their worst material. If he said something sexist, racist, cruel, or dismissive on a first date, he thinks it's fine to say around you, or he doesn't care if you mind.

He might blame it on bad humor, context you're missing, or that he was nervous. Those are possible. They're also worth examining later, after he's shown he heard you the first time. For now, treat the comment as a signal about his baseline values, not a joke that went wrong.

Your message needs to do two things: name what happened and show it mattered. Don't soften or joke your way around it. Say that the comment landed badly and you wanted to tell him directly instead of pretending.

Then stop. Don't explain your moral philosophy or list everything wrong with what he said. Don't ask if he meant it that way. Those moves invite negotiation. You're not negotiating. You're informing him that something he said was not acceptable to you, and you're watching what he does next.

Keep it short enough that he can't pick it apart. Long messages give him room to argue. A few sentences does the job.

Send your message and then actually wait. Don't follow up or check in. If he responds quickly with a real apology (not a defense or excuse), you have information. If he gets angry, dismisses your concern, or goes silent, you have that information too.

Give him 24 to 48 hours to respond. If he doesn't message back, that's your answer. If he responds badly, you're done. If he actually hears you and takes it seriously, you can decide whether a second date makes sense. One thing to know: his willingness to be told something made you uncomfortable matters way more than the original comment ever did.