Bring up low texting effort without starting a fight

The gap you're noticing is real data. When someone is excited about you, texting stays on their radar between dates. It doesn't have to be constant, but it shows up. A few days of radio silence followed by immediate engagement when you're face to face is a pattern, not a fluke.

Before you say anything, separate what he does from what he says. Does he text you first, or only reply? Does he ask questions about your day, or give one-word responses? Is the sparse texting new, or has it always been like this? This matters because "I'm just a bad texter" is a common cover story. Some people really can't type well. Others just don't prioritize you enough to try. The way to tell is whether he makes effort in other forms of contact. Calls? Notes? Showing up early? Those count. Pure silence outside of in-person time tells you something different.

A good message does three things. First, it points to the specific pattern without generalizing. Don't say "you never text me." Say "I've noticed you don't text between when we see each other, but then you seem into it when we're together." That's harder to dismiss.

Second, it gives him a real chance to respond, not a trap. Ask an actual question. "Is texting just not your thing, or is something else going on?" Leave room for answers that might be true. He's busy. He's anxious about saying the wrong thing. He didn't realize it mattered to you. Some people need permission to try harder.

Third, it tells him what you actually need. Not to text all day, but something specific. "I like knowing you're thinking of me between dates" or "I need to feel like you're making effort too." Be clear so he can't pretend he didn't understand.

Send this when you're calm and not in the middle of feeling ignored. If you're angry, wait. If he just ghosted for two days, wait another day. You want to sound like you're asking a question, not lodging a complaint.

After you send it, give him at least a few days to respond. Some people panic when a real conversation is coming and need time to think. If he doesn't acknowledge it at all, that's your answer. If he acknowledges it but nothing changes after two more weeks, nothing will change. At that point, you have information. You can decide if you want to keep dating someone who knows what you need and isn't doing it, or if you're done.

Don't send a follow-up message demanding he fix it. Don't hint at it again. Don't test him by pulling back your own effort. Those moves back him into a corner and turn it into a fight. Either he steps up or he doesn't. Watch what actually happens, not what he promises.