What to say when you DM a guy: openers that get replies
How to craft a DM that makes a guy actually respond. Skip the generic openers and use these moves instead.
DMing a guy is different from texting someone you already know. He doesn't owe you a reply, has no context for who you are, and gets messaged constantly. Your first message has to work harder.
A good opener does two things at once. It shows you've actually looked at his profile or story, not just his face. And it gives him something real to respond to. Generic "hey" or emoji-only messages land in a pile of noise. A message with a specific hook and a real reason for him to write back stands out.
Timing matters too. Send during hours when he's actually awake and checking his phone. Don't overthink the wait. If he doesn't respond in a few days, move on. Guys who want to talk will respond.
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Try for freeHe has no reason to know who you are yet
When a guy gets a DM from someone he doesn't follow back, he's checking three things fast. Does he recognize you. Does your message have a point. And will replying actually be worth his time. Your profile picture and username are the only context he has. If your message doesn't reference something specific about him, he reads it as a mass opener you're sending to multiple guys.
This is why a hook matters. Mention his dog, the band at the concert you both attended, something he wrote in his bio. It takes five seconds for him to realize you actually looked at his page instead of just liking his photo. That five seconds is the difference between a delete and a reply.
Your opener needs a specific detail and a response trigger
A specific detail is anything from his actual profile or story, not a generic compliment. His dog's name, a location tag, a hobby he mentioned, something he posted about last week. This proves you're not running the same message on ten guys.
A response trigger is a reason he has to write back. Open-ended questions work better than yes/no. "What's the dog's name and how old?" beats "cute dog." Reference something he said that you have an opinion on or a follow-up to. The goal is to make a blank reply impossible without looking rude. He doesn't have to want to text you yet. He just has to think it's easier to answer than to leave you hanging.
Send when he's awake and don't wait if he doesn't bite
Send your message during the time he's most likely to be on his phone. For most guys, that's evenings after work or late morning on weekends. Don't send at 3 a.m. just because you're thinking about him.
If he doesn't reply within three or four days, he's not coming back. Guys who are interested will respond within 24 hours, often much faster. Sending a follow-up message reads as desperate and doesn't change the answer. Move on and message someone else. The guys worth dating respond to a good opener.
Why these replies fail
“hey whats up”
No detail, no hook, no reason for him to answer instead of just ignoring it.
“wow you're so hot emoji”
Shows you've only looked at his photo. He gets this message constantly and it signals you haven't read anything about who he actually is.
“I saw you at that concert last week! Do you live in the city?”
The yes/no question at the end gives him an easy out. A short reply like 'yeah' doesn't lead anywhere and he knows it.
Common mistakes
- Opening with just an emoji or 'hey'. He has no reason to type anything back.
- Complimenting only his looks. It signals you haven't read his profile.
- Asking a yes/no question. The easiest answer is to skip your message entirely.
- Being too long. You're not texting a friend yet, so keep it short.
- Waiting days to send it while overthinking every word. He won't remember who you are by then.
Questions people ask
- Should I reference that we have mutual friends?
- If you actually do, yes. It's a stronger hook than a random compliment because it gives him a reason to trust you're real. But only mention it if it's true. He'll check and know immediately if you're lying.
- Is it weird to message a guy who hasn't followed me back?
- Not at all. On Instagram especially, guys don't always follow people who message them first. If your profile is public and you have a real photo and some posts, he won't think twice about it. If your account looks fake or is private, he's less likely to respond.
- How long should my first message be?
- Two or three sentences max. One sentence is even better if it's got a detail and a question. He's scrolling fast. A paragraph-long first message feels like effort he didn't ask for and makes him less likely to open.
- What if he takes days to reply?
- Three to four days is the cutoff. After that, he's either not interested or too flaky to bother with. Sending another message makes it worse, not better. Just message someone else. If he ever comes back, you can respond then, but don't wait around.
What people say after using WingAI
“I always freeze on the first sentence. This gets me past that blank box so I actually hit send.”
joejoe4567
“My openers used to be boring. Now I reference something from her profile and people actually write back.”
Aiden K.
“I was skeptical at first. Then I tried it on a dry chat and the replies actually sounded like me, not a chatbot.”
Mazoonx
Get replies that sound like you
Screenshot the conversation in WingAI. It reads the vibe and gives you natural replies for this exact situation.
Try for free