What to say when he says he's talking to other people too
How to respond when a guy tells you he's dating other people. Smart replies that set boundaries and show you have options too.
He's telling you he's keeping his options open. This usually comes up early, sometimes as a preemptive move before you can ask where things are going, sometimes because he wants permission to keep swiping. The honesty framing makes it sound noble. It's not dishonest, but it is a signal about how much he's invested in you right now.
A good reply does two things. It acknowledges what he said without playing dumb or pretending this is surprising. And it clarifies what you actually want instead of just accepting the status quo. You're not trying to convince him to stop dating other people. You're deciding if this pace works for you.
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Try for freeHe's setting the terms before you can ask for commitment
This message almost always arrives right when things could move forward. You've been on a few dates, texting regularly, maybe he's met your friends or you've made plans for next month. The timing isn't random. He's saying it now to lower your expectations and make it harder for you to ask for exclusivity later. He's not necessarily a bad person doing this. He might not know what he wants yet. But what matters is what this means for you right now. If you keep going at his pace, you're signing up for weeks or months of uncertainty while he figures it out with other people in the picture.
Your reply has to set your own line, not try to change his
Don't use this moment to negotiate or convince him that he should want only you. That won't work. Instead, you're clarifying what you need to keep moving forward. Some people are fine dating multiple people casually for a while. Some people need exclusivity to invest time and emotion. Neither is wrong. But you need to know which one you are, and you need to say it clearly. Your reply should be short and simple enough that he understands your actual boundary, not a suggestion or a request he can wiggle around. Then you wait to see if his actions match.
Wait a week before deciding if this is worth continuing
Don't make a big decision right after he texts you. Let it sit. See if he follows up with more clarity about what he wants, or if he just expects you to say okay and move on. Watch whether he keeps making plans with you at the same frequency or if things cool down. A lot of guys say this and then never talk to those other people, or they're just keeping the apps on in case. Others actually go on dates with other people. His behavior in the next week or two will tell you which. If he goes dark or his plans get spacier, you have your answer. If he keeps showing up the same way, you have information too.
Why these replies fail
“oh totally, that makes sense! i'm cool with that, just let me know if anything changes”
This sounds like you're granting him permission and expecting him to report back. It invites him to do whatever he wants with no consequence.
“ok so i'm actually looking for something more serious, so if you can't give me that then maybe we shouldn't keep doing this”
This is an ultimatum disguised as a boundary. It forces a decision from him right now instead of letting you both see what happens next week.
“lol okay but are there actually other girls or are you just hedging your bets?”
You're making him defend his honesty and inviting him to lie. This turns it into a conversation about his intentions instead of your needs.
Common mistakes
- Saying you're also talking to other people when you're not, or when you're not sure you want to be
- Acting relieved or grateful that he's being honest, which signals you'll accept any terms
- Asking him to stop or questioning why he needs to keep options open
- Ignoring what he said and continuing as if nothing changed
- Responding immediately with emotion instead of giving yourself time to think
Questions people ask
- Should I tell him I'm talking to other people too if I'm not?
- No. Lying here backfires. Either you actually are open to dating other people, in which case say that. Or you're not, in which case say you need to know where you stand with him before you keep investing time. He doesn't need to know your options to know whether you need exclusivity.
- Does this mean he's not interested in me?
- Not necessarily. He might be undecided. But it does mean you're not his priority right now. He's comfortable keeping you on the roster while he figures out if there's someone he likes better. That's different from not being interested, but it should matter to you either way.
- What if I say I need exclusivity and he stops texting?
- Then he answered your question. He wasn't willing to give you that, so he's moving on. That stings, but it's clearer than waiting three months to find out he was never going to commit. A clean no is better than a slow fade.
- How long should I wait to see if he changes his behavior?
- Give it seven to ten days. In that time, watch whether he keeps planning dates at the same pace, whether he texts you the same way, and whether he brings up the conversation again. If nothing changes, you can assume this is just how he operates and decide if you're okay with that.
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