What to say when he claims commitment issues but keeps flirting
He says he's scared of commitment but texts constantly and acts interested. How to reply without wasting time on mixed signals.
This is a specific trap. He's doing enough to keep you engaged but hiding behind 'I'm not ready for anything serious' so he never has to actually commit to you. The flirting is real. The fear statement is usually real too. But together they mean he wants the attention and connection without the responsibility.
A good reply here does two things at once. It acknowledges what he said so he can't claim you weren't listening. And it gently forces him to pick a lane instead of coasting in both at once. You're not attacking him or being cold. You're just making it clear that the mixed message doesn't work for you.
Get replies that sound like you
Screenshot the conversation in WingAI. It reads the vibe and gives you natural replies for this exact situation.
Try for freeThe gap between his words and his behavior
When someone tells you they're scared of commitment but keeps texting you, flirting, making plans, or bringing up feelings, they're not being honest with themselves. Not necessarily malicious, but split. The flirting is happening because he does feel something or enjoy your attention. The commitment fear is real too, but it's often rooted in not wanting to give up options or face potential rejection, not actual inability to date.
The tell is consistency over time. A person who's actually scared will pull back or disappear to protect you and himself. A person who wants the attention without the deal will maintain the flirting while reinforcing the boundary. Listen to what he does, not what he's afraid of.
Making him choose without forcing his hand
Your reply needs to be short and matter-of-fact. Don't lecture him or make it about his issues. Instead, reflect back what you're seeing, the flirting and the commitment talk happening at the same time, and make it clear that's not a workable situation for you. You're not asking him to overcome his fear. You're saying that if he wants to stay in your orbit, it can't look like this.
The move is to name the contradiction gently and state a preference, then stop talking. Let him either adjust his behavior or let him go. This removes the third option of indefinite flirting without stakes.
Send it soon and then watch for action
Send your reply within a few hours while the conversation is still fresh. Don't wait days to respond as if you're thinking it over. This is you being direct, not you being hurt.
After you send it, he'll either acknowledge it and change how he's showing up, or he'll double down on the flirting or disappear. If he keeps acting like nothing changed, don't re-explain yourself. One clear message is enough. Give it a week of his actual behavior before deciding if he's really shifting or just saying words.
Why these replies fail
“I totally understand. We can just take it slow and see where it goes, no pressure”
You just gave him permission to keep doing exactly what he's doing, flirting without committing.
“Well you showed me you cared when you said that thing last week, so I don't think you're actually scared”
It sounds like you're trying to convince him of his own feelings instead of setting a boundary about what you need.
“So what do you actually want from me then? Because this is confusing”
Asking him to define things puts the ball back in his court and he'll likely dodge with another version of the same answer.
Common mistakes
- Reassuring him or offering to 'go slow', this just confirms he can keep flirting without committing
- Listing all the times he showed he cared, he knows, and he's relying on you to remember
- Asking what he actually wants, puts the ball back in his court to dodge
- Disappearing without saying anything, leaves the door open for him to circle back later
- Over-explaining your own needs, makes it sound like you're negotiating instead of stating a boundary
Questions people ask
- Should I give him time to work through his commitment issues?
- Not on your dime. If he's actually working through something, he'll show that through his actions and honesty, not flirtation mixed with walls. You're allowed to want someone who's available now, not someone with a promise of availability eventually.
- What if he gets defensive when I bring up the mixed signals?
- That's information. Defensive reactions usually mean he knows exactly what he's doing and doesn't like being called on it. You don't need to manage his reaction. You can just let him feel defensive and keep moving.
- Is it possible he really does like me but is actually terrified of commitment?
- Yes. Both things can be true. But liking you and being terrified aren't your problem to solve. If he wants to date you, he figures out the terror. Your job is to decide if you want to be with someone who's still figuring it out.
- How long should I wait to hear back after I reply?
- If he's actively texting you, he'll respond within hours usually. If he goes silent after your message, that's him choosing the easy path out. Don't send a follow-up or soften what you said. That's your answer.
What people say after using WingAI
“Didn't think it would be this good. The funny options actually get responses, which is wild.”
Nico_dang
“I overthink every text. Having three options and picking the one that sounds like me cut that spiral short.”
Sam R.
“I was skeptical at first. Then I tried it on a dry chat and the replies actually sounded like me, not a chatbot.”
Mazoonx
Get replies that sound like you
Screenshot the conversation in WingAI. It reads the vibe and gives you natural replies for this exact situation.
Try for free