He says he's not a texter but texts his friends constantly
He claims he doesn't text much, but he's always messaging his group chat. Here's what that means and how to respond.
When a guy says he's 'not the texting type' while actively texting friends, he's usually making a distinction. It often means he doesn't text romantic interests the same way, or he's testing how you'll react to delayed responses. This is worth reading carefully before you reply.
A good response doesn't call him out directly or accept the excuse passively. Instead, you set a clear expectation about what you need from him without drama. You're essentially saying, I see what you're doing, and here's what actually works for me.
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Try for freeWhy he texts others faster than he texts you
This phrase almost never means he doesn't text. It means he's choosing not to text you at the speed or frequency you're getting from him elsewhere. Men know the difference between texting a friend and texting someone they're dating. When he makes this distinction, he's usually either testing your tolerance for slow responses, keeping his options open by not seeming too eager, or really preferring phone calls.
The most important part: his texting speed with friends shows what he's capable of. If he's typing fast replies there, the delay with you is intentional. That's not a personality trait. That's a choice about how much priority you get.
Acknowledging his words while setting your communication needs
Your reply needs to do two things at once. First, acknowledge what he said without agreement. You're not calling him a liar, but you're also not letting him use this as a blanket permission to ignore you. Second, state what communication actually works for you going forward. Don't make it a request. Make it information.
The move is to stay light and unbothered, then redirect to what you'll actually accept. You can reference his phone call preference if he mentioned it, but don't let him use 'I'm not a texter' as cover for unresponsiveness. Set the boundary by normalizing it. Lots of people prefer calls, that's fine, but here's how we'll stay connected.
Reply timing that shows you're serious not playing games
Send your reply within a few hours, while you're still in the conversation. Don't wait until the next day to seem cool about it. This isn't a moment for strategy delays. You're giving him information about how you work, not playing hard to get.
After you send it, watch his next responses carefully. If he suddenly texts faster or more frequently, he was choosing not to before and now understands you won't accept it. If he stays slow and then claims he was just being honest about his style, you have your answer about his priorities. Most guys will shift their behavior if they actually want to be with you. If he doesn't, you know where you stand.
Why these replies fail
“Haha okay, no worries! I get it. I'm not super into texting either honestly.”
You're lying and softening your needs to match what he said. He'll use this permission to text even less.
“That's funny because you were texting your friends literally all day lol. I literally just saw you on Instagram.”
This calls him out directly and makes you look like you're tracking him, which puts him on the defensive instead of on the same page.
“I totally understand. Phone calls work better for me too! Let me know when you want to call. I'll be here.”
You're accepting his frame and now you're waiting for him to initiate calls he may never make. You've given up all momentum.
Common mistakes
- Pretending to accept it and then resenting him for slow responses later
- Immediately calling him out: 'I saw you texting in the group chat 20 minutes ago'
- Over-explaining your own texting style or apologizing for wanting communication
- Continuing to text him frequently as if the excuse doesn't change anything
- Waiting for him to text first to 'prove' he's interested
Questions people ask
- Should I call him out about texting his friends?
- Not directly. Calling out his contradictions puts him in defense mode and makes you look like you're keeping score. Instead, respond to what you actually need. If he texted slowly, your boundary is about your communication needs, not his hypocrisy.
- What if he really does prefer phone calls?
- That's fine, but you can still text. Phone calls and texting aren't mutually exclusive. If he really prefers calls, he should offer to call you, not just avoid texting. Watch whether he actually calls or if he just uses the excuse to go quiet.
- Does saying this mean he's not interested?
- Not necessarily. Some guys are slower communicators with romantic interests because they're nervous or don't want to seem needy. What matters is whether he changes his behavior after you set the expectation. Interest shows up in action, not apologies.
- How do I know if I should keep dating him after this?
- Give it two to three days of normal interaction after your reply. If he texts with better speed and responsiveness, he was just testing boundaries. If nothing changes, you have your answer about his effort level. Don't wait longer than that to decide.
What people say after using WingAI
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