How to respond when he's seeing someone else but likes you too
He said he likes you but is seeing someone else. Here's how to reply without playing it cool or overstaying your welcome.
He's told you he has feelings for you and also has another person in his life. This isn't ambiguous. He's being honest about his situation, which matters, but honesty doesn't change the fact that you're not his priority right now.
Your reply needs to do two things at once. Acknowledge what he said without pretending it's an okay situation for you, and create space for him to either change his situation or let you go. The worst replies ignore what he told you or make him feel like he can keep you waiting while he figures it out.
This is a moment where directness actually protects you. Vague replies lead to months of mixed signals. A clear response tells him what you need and gives him a real choice to make.
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Try for freeHe's giving you information, not asking permission
When someone tells you they're seeing someone else but like you, they're not checking if it's okay. They're telling you what's true and hoping you'll stick around anyway. This is different from ambiguity. He knows what he's doing.
The fact that he likes you doesn't change his behavior. If he liked you more than the other person or the situation, he would make a different choice. Right now he's chosen to keep both doors open. Seeing this clearly is the first step to not torturing yourself later.
Your reply has to set a real boundary, not just express your feelings
A good reply does three things. First, it acknowledges what he actually said without turning it into a compliment or a negotiation. Second, it tells him what you need in concrete terms. Not 'I need someone who treats me well' but 'I need someone who isn't also seeing someone else.' Third, it removes your availability from the equation. Not in a punishing way, but in a way that makes it clear you're not waiting.
Be direct about what situation you can accept, then follow through. Don't soften it so much that he thinks he can convince you. Don't make it sound like you're testing him. Just tell him the boundary and step back.
Send it soon, then actually disappear
Reply within the same day, while the conversation is still fresh. A delayed response reads as you overthinking, which can look like you're still trying to manage his feelings.
After you send it, stop initiating. No checking in in two weeks. No liking his Instagram posts. If he comes back and says he's cut off the other person, then you can talk. Until then, treat this as closed. The hardest part is not reaching out first when you miss him. That's the actual test of whether you meant what you said.
Why these replies fail
“I like you too... but I guess we'll just have to see where this goes?”
This is too soft. It leaves your availability open and invites him to keep stringing you along while he decides.
“Okay so when are you going to break up with them? Because I'm not waiting forever.”
This sounds like you're negotiating a timeline with him, which puts the power in his hands. You're also now waiting, just on his schedule.
“I can't compete with someone else. I deserve better than this. Good luck to you.”
This is true but it sounds performative and gives him a target to apologize to. You're centering his feelings by making it dramatic.
Common mistakes
- Replying with hurt or anger instead of a boundary, which gives him emotional investment to chase
- Saying you'll wait, then texting him in two weeks when you're lonely
- Asking detailed questions about the other person, which prolongs the conversation and keeps you in his orbit
- Agreeing to stay friends or keep texting, which blurs the line and makes it harder to move on
- Leaving your door open too wide, like 'maybe someday,' which he can interpret as permission to come back whenever
Questions people ask
- What if he says he's about to break up with the other person?
- People say this all the time and it rarely happens. You can respond with something like 'Let me know when that's actually happened and we can talk.' Then wait. Don't let almost or soon be your new waiting period. Once he's actually single and has given it a week or two, then you engage again.
- Should I tell him I'm going to date other people too?
- Only if you actually are or plan to. Don't say it as a counter-move. If you're stepping back and moving forward, you don't need to announce it to him. Let him find out through normal life. Telling him is still centering his experience of your dating life.
- What if we have mutual friends and he keeps showing up?
- Be civil but don't extend the conversation. Keep it in group settings. Don't take his presence as a sign he's interested in resolving this. Proximity is not the same as change. If he wants to actually talk about your situation, he'll do it privately when you're not in a group.
- How long should I actually wait before I assume he's not coming back?
- Don't think of it as waiting. Move forward. If he comes back with a real change in his situation, you'll know. Assume he's not while you date other people and pursue your life. This isn't bitter, it's practical. Six months of silence is your answer.
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Get replies that sound like you
Screenshot the conversation in WingAI. It reads the vibe and gives you natural replies for this exact situation.
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