Ask her to commit to actually trying instead of keeping options open

When someone keeps things light and noncommittal over weeks, they're not being coy. They're uncertain about you, or they like the attention without wanting the work. The flakiness isn't random. It's a pattern that says she hasn't decided you're worth prioritizing. She may like talking to you. She may even enjoy time together. But she's also talking to others, or keeping her options open in case someone better shows up, or just not ready to stop shopping. The real signal: plans stay loose, conversations stay surface level, and she never volunteers to move things forward. When someone wants to try with you, they show up differently. They make plans stick. They ask you things. They text back the same day. The absence of that behavior is information. Read it as such.

A good message does two things at once. First, it names the pattern without accusation. You're not saying she's a bad person or a player. You're saying: I notice we haven't moved past the holding pattern stage, and I need to know if you want to try or if this isn't heading somewhere. This is honest and specific, not vague complaints about her interest level. Second, it removes her plausible deniability. Right now she can act surprised if you drift away because nothing was ever stated. Your message makes it clear that you see what's happening and you're asking her to choose. She can say yes, try harder, and show you differently. Or she can be honest that she's not there yet. Either answer is useful to you. Avoid the trap of asking for reassurance. Do you like me or am I wasting my time puts the burden on her to comfort you. Instead, ask her to change her behavior, not her feelings.

Send this when you have a concrete observation, not just a feeling. We've made plans three times this month and all three fell through is concrete. I feel like you're not that into me is not. Send it once you've given real time for a pattern to show up. Two weeks of light texting is not enough. Six weeks of plans that don't stick is. After you send it, give her at least five to seven days to respond. Don't follow up quickly or soften your message. That signals you didn't mean it. If she doesn't respond in a week, that's your answer. Silence or a vague reply means she's choosing the open approach. You respond by treating it as a no and moving forward without her. If she says she wants to try but her behavior doesn't change within two weeks, that's also an answer. People who want to try make one obvious change first. They stop being flaky.