How to ask her out for drinks vs something casual

At this stage, she probably doesn't have a strong opinion yet because she doesn't know you well enough to picture what it would be like. Drinks feels formal and high-pressure to some people. Coffee or a walk feels safer but also less intentional, like you're not sure if this is even a date. She's likely waiting to see what you suggest before deciding if she's actually interested. If you ask her which one she prefers without picking anything first, you're asking her to make the call about how interested she should be. That's uncomfortable. She'll either default to the safer option or she'll sense your uncertainty and start doubting whether you really want to see her.

Your message has to do two things at once. Take a real stance by naming a specific plan and time. Show flexibility by offering a real alternative. The alternative should feel like a real option, not a throwaway. Don't say 'or whatever you want' because that puts the work back on her. Instead, offer something different in tone or energy from your first choice. If you pick drinks, offer something low-key. If you pick a casual activity, offer something slightly more intentional. Read your draft and ask yourself: would she feel like I'm leading here, or would she feel like I've already decided without her input? You want the first one.

Send this when you've actually chatted enough that a date feels natural, not random. Give her at least 24 to 48 hours to respond, depending on how active she's been in your conversation. If she doesn't reply after three days, send one follow-up message that reiterates your first suggestion or offers a different time entirely. Don't send multiple variations of the same plan or start adding more options. That looks desperate. If she still doesn't reply, stop. If she says she can't make either option, ask her what does work for her, but only once. After that, you're chasing.